Monday, May 31, 2004

Yep, this would be me.


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We had a house full off and on yesterday and finally last night I came in to my little office here with a cup of coffee and cigs with full intentions of blog surfing. My intentions were changed for me when the tornado watch we were currently under turned into a tornado warning due to a funnel cloud being sighted about 10 miles north west of where we live. That sorta made me decide I'd best boot this old puter down and go see what was happening on Channel 3 weather.

It blew, and lightning flashed, and thunder boomed but nothing blew away other than the Chickie's swimming pool and some lawn chairs (but I think I saw them over in the neighbor's yard).

Hubby just called to say he'll be home again in a few so I guess I'll be "blessed" with his presence again today (as though that news would make me jump up and down with joy.)

I'll be back later IF I'm still sane.

Happy Memorial Day Ya'll!!

Saturday, May 29, 2004

I can't get it together.

But I've been trying. I have high hopes that I'll get around to all of my favorite blogs for some serious reading soon.

Friday, May 28, 2004

I will no longer bitch about having a bad day,,,,,,much.

Garden Snakes are DANGEROUS! Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was.

She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him on the rear. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and one of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man.

He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushion where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

An ambulance was again called when it was determined that the injury required hospitalization.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing.

Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed...

Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house was re-built. The police acquired a new car, and all was right with the world.

About a year later the original couple were watching TV and the
weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

She shot him...

Author unknown

Before I forget

That damned farmer got my garden with chemicals again, the fucker!

A mostly useless Friday

I awoke to rain at around 8:30 and before I could get my eyes open with my first cup of coffee, hubby was back home from the farm. I knew at that moment that this was not going to be a good day.

After breakfast, I rode with him down to the farm office to pick up his monthly paycheck and then on into town to make the deposit and some IRA paperwork. We did some quick shopping for stuff I'd forgotten the last time I went shopping where I realized that I could only shop for things that I didn't have to search for since I'd forgotten my danged glasses at the bank. (I really hate for stores to move shit around where I can't find it. Don't they know that sometimes people can be temporairily blind??)

This afternoon I took a long nap since the hubby was here to ride herd over the terrorist for awhile. I really should have forseen that he wouldn't actually stay awake to ride herd since when I woke up I caught a sniff of the terrorist as he passed by and knew that my new bottle Temptation was probably empty.

And it was.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if they'd take my birthday if I didn't pay all these bills that are stacked up and waiting to be mailed.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Good grief!

The world is coming to an end. I slept until 10 this morning!!

I took a few outdoorsy type photos yesterday. It's so nice to see things abloom.

And I gathered round the troops to get this shot of Zach with his sisters.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

A day off from baseball

Yeeeeehaaaaaaa!! No ball games today and no practice. Imagine the smiling Nanny here. I'll be having a mostly lazy, anxiety-ridden day here with the terrorist who's now officially out of school for the summer.

He had games both Monday and Tuesday evenings, and I'm not bragging mind you, but the little man made his first home run of the season on Monday night and had one RBI which was pretty nice considering the score was 7 to 4 and a win for his little team against a team who'd previously been whoopin their butts. The child was walking on air!!

Tuesday's game was just as good although they lost by 1 run. Zach had two runs under his belt and one RBI so there was nothing to be upset about for sure. It's really amazing to see this little team do some of the things they do at the young age of 7 years.

For now, Nanny is going to enjoy this day of not being on the road and I'm sure my truck will be thanking me too (especially if I'd get my lazy butt out there and unload the bats, gloves, helments, and such out of it).

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

What in the HELL is going on?

I can't get into Mary lou's blog. Special K's link shows a no such blog message, I'm about to get perturbed here.

Big Mud Puddles and Yellow Dandelions,,,,author unknown

When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard.

My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.

When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away.

My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.

When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.

My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own.

When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk.

My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.

When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.

My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."

When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.

My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder God loves the little children! Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!!

Monday, May 24, 2004

A little laughter

I try to never miss an opportunity for a good laugh. It comes second to breathing in important stuff for the human body to do.
I had two such opportunities during the past week, to laugh till I was ready to pee my pants.(3 counting a call from Special K, she always makes me laugh till I pee). I especially love laughs like that!

At the Zoo on Thursday, a lady had a table set up beside the Panda enclosures with all sorts of interesting hands-on things. There was a panda skull and a bear skull for comparison, footprints, teeth, etc..

Zach bounced over to the table as little boys tend to do and was picking things up and checking them out while asking the lady a 101 questions. He got to one item, picked it up, turned it a couple of times and then asked the lady what it was. (I was already snickering and trying to contain myself) The lady told him it was Panda feces. Zach kept turning it this way and that and said, "Huh"? I said panda poop at about the same time the lady said it was panda poop and before she could finish her word poop, Zach threw it! I couldn't contain my laughter by then and when that lady caught that poop with one swoop before it could hit the ground, I almost collapsed from my heehaws. Then Zach was looking around for a rest room so he could wash his hands.

Then my son walks over after having missed the whole exchange and says, "What's this"?, and starts to reach down and pick up the poop. He decided he'd rather not when he noticed how hard I was laughing as I was telling him to go ahead and check it out.

My second good belly laugh came on Saturday when Alexis was playing with two croquet balls. I was kicked back with a margarita nearby, watching Jerri, Bubbie, and Zach play a round of croquet when Alexis comes over and puts one of the balls down my shirt and then just as I'm saying, "Oh No Alexis", plunk,,she drops another. Then she dives in with both hands, up to her shoulders, to retrieve them.

After we finally retrieved the balls, I stuck them in her little bikini top and she went running to her mommy saying, "Boobies!"

It doesn't take much to amuse me, can you tell?


Sunday, May 23, 2004

Calendar Girls

"A Women's Institute chapter's fundraising effort for a local hospital by posing nude for a calendar becomes a media sensation. "

I watched this movie last weekend and it was truly one of the best movies I've seen since Steel Magnolias, the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,and Fried Green Tomatoes. I believe it would probably be considered a chick flick but I know that a few men who are in touch with their more feminine counterparts might enjoy it also.

I'd take my clothes off for Charity, do I see any other raised hands?

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Taking donations for plane ticket to Tahiti

But only if there are nekid hunks there.

We ended our Friday with another loss at the ball park but dang those boys played some good ball for little guys. We staggered home around 9ish and it was after midnight before I finally got some shut-eye.

I awoke to another, already warm day, at 7 a.m. and tried to read through as many blogs as I could (cause I'm missin folks here) before my daughter came by for a visit. After she left and Zach was a little more awake, we went to West Helena to a little "do" the U.S. Forestry Service, The Game and Fish Commission, and various other folks were puttin on. We managed to spend the rest of the day outdoors both there and at home where the kids jumped in and out of the wading pool and we played croquet. We ended the day's activities with tummies full of burgers cooked on the grill.

I'm going to go crash now.

Oh, one final little item. This "do" the above mentioned folks put on was supposed to be glorified with a visit from Smokey the Bear. This was the main reason Nanny promised to take Zach to the "do". As you might guess, I was not enthused about standing in the 90 degree heat on a sunny day surrounded by asphalt.

Well it seems that Old Smokey decided that 90 degrees was too hot for him to come out of his nice cool cave (probably because it had an unlimited supply of COLD budweiser) so he didn't show.

Just wait till I find out what that big, brown, fuzzy, shithead's email address is!

Friday, May 21, 2004

So much for that.

I had big plans today. When I went to sleep last night, it was with thoughts of having a lazy, do nothing day, without stress or anxiety, and without kids until time to pick Zach up from school.

Yesterday was a killer. We did the zoo, then rushed home just in time for Zach to change clothes and go to his ball game at 5:30. I really needed today to rest up a bit.

BUT, nope, it was not to be, and I should have known better than to even think it. The phone rang this morning before 7. Zach's ball coach was on the other end telling my sleepy ears that he had a ballgame scheduled for 7:30 tonight that just happened to miss being put on the schedule before now. That didn't upset me too badly but then Georgie reminded me when she picked Zach up for school that their Track and Field day was today and parents were supposed to be there by noon.

After Zach left for school I climbed in the tub and cried a little as I soaked the kinks out and then I got ready to go at it again.

I'm resting a few now before round 2.

Another Chickie Zoo pose

Playing in a stump.

Nanny needs a slower Zoo trip!

I think my back is in worse shape than I thought. After that 5 hour stroll around the zoo yesterday, a quick stop home for Zach to change, then on to his ballgame at 5:30, there is even pain on the bottoms of my FEET!

We did have a load of fun at the Zoo though!!

Zach and some lady trying to intermingle with a little birdie.

Attack of the killer birdie!

The Chick, trying to figure out a way to take a dip in the donkey's drinking water.

The mostly immodest Ya Ya, the female Panda.

Le Le, the male Panda, having his continuous snack.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

ZOO Day!

1. Up ck

2. Awake (never mind)

3. Bathed and dressed (1 outta 2 ain't bad, right? And you know who is still nekid and sitting on the fuzzy duck in front of the TV)

4. Camera bag loaded ck

5. extra batteries ck

6. Snacks (oh shit, snacks! better go do that)

Ya'll have a great day, I'm goin to the ZOO!!



Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Well it got MY attention!

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia.

An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court, and custody of the children was a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world,
she should retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children.
The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

I don't know why I bother

I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, and my first cig of the day, wondering why in the world I continue to get up in the mornings.

5 days a week I wrestle, fight, and argue with Zach about getting up, eating, brushing his teeth, and getting dressed. It's the most stressful time of the day because I HATE early mornings! He's had his life threatened 10 times already this morning and he's only been out of the bed for 30 minutes.

I came in here so that I don't actually do bodily harm to him before time for his ride to school get here. (How on earth can it take 10 minutes to put ONE sock on?????)


I need to do something today even if it's wrong. Tommorrow I'm letting Zach play hooky from school so we can go with Jerri and the Chickie to the zoo in Memphis.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004


They were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--and it's fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . "

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

Monday, May 17, 2004

During moments of Sunday sunshine

The Chickie danced for us

then when the sun popped out, she and Zach took a dip in her little pool.

Sunday, May 16, 2004


I feel an explosion building. It's Sunday, we've had company all day which isn't anything new, but today I was tired from the moment I was awakened by a visit at 7:30 by my brother-in-law who dropped in to have coffee with hubby. Hatching chicken and duck eggs was the topic surrounding what should have been my quiet coffee time this morning and it just didn't make for entertaining conversation even if one is just sitting there in a stunned silence.

I eventually woke up but stayed moody.

Hubby cooked on the grill today for lunch but I prepared the rest of the meal (and it was much LESS than usual) and then we ventured outdoors for a bit to enjoy a break in the rain we've been having.

My fuse was lit again today when my mother-in-law dropped in for another of her visits. This woman has a gift for pissing me off and polite belle that I am, I usually let her get by with it and I did, again, today. But I feel it building folks.

A few days ago, or a week ago, wheneverthehell the last time was that she came by to stir things, she couldn't wait to spill the news that one of the brother-in-laws (one of her sons) was upset because his step-daughter is pregnant and quit school. She spent a full 20 minutes discussing the stupidity and sluttiness of this young girl and all the while I sat there literally biting my tongue.

It would bother me far less if this woman was consistant in her views of unwed pregnancies and uneducated stupidity, but this is not the case. My husband has 4 brothers and 1 sister. The daughter and the daughter's daughter can do no wrong. The niece, (daughter of hubby's sister) got pregnant 3 yrs ago during her first year of college, with twins! The father was a worthless doper and wanted to have no responsibility whatsoever. When my opinionated mother-in-law finally had to accept the fact that her pride was in the family way with no marriage in sight, and people were going to notice, she informed me that "it was God's blessing".


"Was this to be a virgin birth"?, I asked her? Stammering and blushing, she told me that Brandie was so tiny and her body was still so immature that the doctor said it was amazing that she'd even conceived.

Another load of bullshit in my opinion, but what do I know? I'm just the mean witch of a daughter-in-law that took one of her sons to Europe a few years ago where, according to her insightfulness, he'd die among strangers and never been seen again by his family. (all that over a 16 day trip mind you!).

Today she asked Jerri a question about Alexis and before Jerri could even answer her, she broke in with a cute description of something the "twins" had done.

And this woman wonders why I rarely go to visit, even for holidays, when I can gracefully get out of it.

Oh hell, never mind me, I'm just a bitch today.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

We were chosen.

Zach was delighted when he was chosen to babysit their class pets for the weekend. Nanaw was not quite as delighted to be hosting 3 critters that look suspiciously like spiders with shells on their backs, but since he was instructed to have adult supervision during feeding and excercise time, guess who has to stand by?

So, here they are, our weekend house guests.

This is Tarzan. Tarzan is fast as greased lightening so I had to shoot him on the move. Forgive the blur but I had to make sure he wasn't moving in my direction. Tarzan likes to climb the tree in their little cage.

In the forefront is Mr. Crab. Mr. Crab gives me the willies more than the other two cause well,,he's bigger. Behind him is Redy who appears to be a friendly enough little critter as long as he stays his distance.

The crabby condo.

Friday, May 14, 2004

> A Chicken, a Horse, and a Harley Davidson

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the
chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold
of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the
other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken
drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the
farmhouse and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best
Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Fine Art

The folks who make those damned so-called washable markers should be used as canvas for body art and made to go out for public display (I know what you're thinking Mary lou and it's a FINE idea!)

Does anyone else buy nail polish remover in economy sized bottles?

I've been out on the porch with mine today cleaning hot pink washable marker-made designs off the vinyl siding on my house. Is there a reason that children want to leave their mark on every freaking surface? Zach was on the porch a total of 2 minutes this morning waiting for his ride to school and I reckon he got bored and decided the white needed livening up a tad. Never mind that it took me 20 minutes to soak and lighten the art (it's still lightly pinkish).

I'm quite sure if I gave the kid a white marker and told him to paint the house I'd be a horrible, mean, old woman.

Jungle Fever

Holy shit, if it doesn't stop raining soon I'm going to have to take a swing-blade to the danged yard! I went out between showers this morning and snapped a few photos of my blooms and statuettes. (please note that I was keeping an eye out for lightening strikes cause bad luck seems to find me pretty easy).

Here's the little girl that I got for Mother's Day.

I found this little fella a few weeks ago.

My bloomin boxes on the front porch. Still looking scraggly but still breathing.

The purple blooms in this planter is mexican heather, I'd like to find some more of that. The dark pink blooms are annuals from last year that survived.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Feverishly Spring

Whewwwww, yesterday was busy! First off I had to go into town to get repairs on Zach's ball shirt because the lettering was peeling off. What was supposed to be Hendrix Shoes was turning into Hen rix hoes. I had to wait for them to do a new shirt so I looked around some of the stores and bought some new shoes (which I didn't need but ya'll know how it is) and a beautiful silk scarf.

Before I left town I stopped at a nursery, where Bubbie and Jerry had purchased a Mother's Day gift certificate for me, and picked out two big pots of flowering moss and a little statuette for the yard.

On the drive home, James called to give me the wonderful news that his truck needed approximately $600 in repairs for a fuel pump. I informed him that I thought it was pretty shitty of him to feel he needed to share that delightful news with me.

They scheduled ball photos yesterday so after I picked Zach up from school we had to hurry home to change and go back to the ball park. Photos were taken, the game was played (and lost) and then I discovered that I'd locked my danged KEYS in my truck. Luckily we bumped into a constable we knew who had his "unlocking" tools in his truck so was on my way home only after a 45 minute delay.

When I got home I had to finish making the chicken-n-dumplings that I had planned for supper. By then I was one pooped old gal!

I was watching David Letterman the other night on TV when he had Regis on there. I noticed that Regis was sipping on a cup of coffee as he chatted with Mr. Letterman and the thought crossed my mind,,I couldn't drink anything if I were being interviewed. I could just imagine being on national tv, taking a sip of coffee and having it slid down the wrong pipe, snorting coffee across the set as I hacked and coughed and spewed.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Somebody's got a Birthday!

Go by and see her fridge door today and sing "that" song to her.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Holy Shit but,,,,,

I don't know if I like this! Blogger must have a bunch of younguns running the joint who don't realize how change throws we olduns for a loop.

I've pretty much been in a shitty mood since having to contain myself during one of my mother-in-law's infrequent visits late yesterday. Of course the evil hormone dips and surges that I've been enduring could have kicked that shitty mood up a bit.

Anyway, I'm moving slow, thinking in starts and stops but I'll get back in the groove soon. I do have to say that a little conversation with that Special K yesterday went a long way towards giving me things to smile about.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Honoring all Moms a little early.

Because I can sleep until I wake up tomorrow and cause I luvs you all, I'm sending Happy Mother's Day wishes a little early.

You Know You're A Mom When...

Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor..... and you don't care.

When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a
room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to
call you, and you run around the house madly, following the
sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

Popsicles become a food staple.

Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill
your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

Your kid throws up and you catch it.

You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but your
child chews his toast into the shape of a gun anyway.

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

You're up each night until 11 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping,
washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking,
driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing
sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework,
paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes,
putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing,
buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing
baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls,
rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles,
sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping
rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing,
gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at
5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go
to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Here's looking at you Mom! A nostalgic trip down Memory Lane...

"Always wear clean underwear, in case of an accident."

Cringing when you're called by your full name.

"Wait 'til your father gets home!" ( But Mom, you're single.)

"Eat your vegetables and you'll grow up to be beautiful--handsome."

"Just wait 'til you're a parent." (The curse that keeps on giving.)

"Wash behind your ears." (Come on Mom, I'm 49 now!)

"What will the neighbors think."

"If Timmy jumps off the bridge, does that mean that you should too?"

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you!"

"When I was your age."

"Stop crossing your eyes, they'll stay that way!" (Oh Mom, Jerry Lewis crosses his eyes and is making a fine living at it.)

"Mind your p's and q's!" ( To heck with the rest of the alphabet.)

"If you eat that cookie, you'll ruin your supper!" (Mom, we just had breakfast.)

"Do I look like everybody's Mom?" (The famous comeback for-- but Mom, everybody is going.)

"Answer me, when I'm talking to you. Don't talk back to me, young lady/man!"

"Close that door, do you think that you were born in a barn."

In honor of my mom who passed away at age 61 in March, 1999, and who appreciated and encouraged my humorous approach to life.

Laveada Fisher Roberts age 14

Brenda and Mom, Dec. 1998.

Friday, May 07, 2004

A Friday Joke

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,

so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl

said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The

mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The

mortician thought that was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took

a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him

over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes.

Every time we went to town, folks would say,

"Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

Thursday, May 06, 2004


My back still feels like one of Ms. Leslie's elephants is doing a tap dance on it but other than sleeping for most of Tuesday, I've decided that I'm not going to baby the damned thing this time. So, today, and tomorrow (if I can move), I'm going to help Jerri and her mom unpack stuff at the flea market.

Zach had ball practice last night and has a ball game tonight so I'll be back later!

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Who knows?

I got several stories around town about bomb threats being made to a couple of the chemical companies in town. I also heard from different people that they'd closed the bridge and had extra security swarming around places like the hospital and schools. I've heard nothing on the radio or the tv about any of it so who the hell knows.

Picture this: Approximately 10,000 population in Helena and West Helena (rough estimate mind you) and another 8, 000 or so in the county. Now give these folks the gossipy mentality of The Beverly Hillbillies. There were bomb threats of some manner, but I know not the facts , just the gossip at the moment and the stories ranged far and wide!! A lot of speculation.

I gotta go see what's going on.

Hubby called about 30 minutes ago to tell me there'd been a radio announcement made saying they'd caught someone over at the Mississippi River bridge in Helena trying to plant explosives and there have been bomb threats popping up all over town. They've locked down the schools as a precaution. I've got radio and TV blasting here but have no news yet so I'm gonna go see what's up.

Be back later if I have time between picking Zach up from school and ball practice (if it's still on).

Go on, ask me.

I nabbed this from Dorothy but I've seen it in several blogs this week and since I keep asking questions I figured I'd put it here cause fair is fair.

3 Questions

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want and I will answer it. Then, I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

Great idea! Let's get to know each other a little better, shall we?

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Take a deep breath and Agghhhhhhhh,,,,,,,,

The little twinge that I felt in my back yesterday has been breeding.

I'm going to have to start doing something to make this pain worthwhile, but even breathing hurts right now so we'll take about that later.

And oh shit, we've got a ball game tonight.

Monday, May 03, 2004

I need to thank

Houston for this great idea. Here's one of my entries from about this time last year. It never hurts to go back and recall things learned does it?

If one must wake up with a pounding headache and a tender twat, one would at least have thought it almost worth it from the drunken roll in the hay the night before,.....right? I'm afraid I don't have any such details to share, instead I have the dumbass of the day experience to relay here today.

Yesterday, I grabbed the bottle of scrub-free bathroom cleaner (lemon scented) and sprayed shower stall, sinks and tub in the master bath. By the time I got to the tub, I couldn't remember if I'd doused it before so I sprayed it again. Then the phone rang and I ran to answer it and since I tend to get side-tracked throughout my day, I forgot to return to the tub scrubbing chore. This might not have happened had there been anything in the tub to scrub, but,,,,,

Last night I went in to run a nice hot bath with peachy scented bubbles. I needed and I deserved a long, relaxing soak. After I had climbed in, and laid back in the wonderful silky bubbles, I noticed the Scrub-free bottle sitting on the side of the tub. ( At about the same time the stinging sensation began.) Even after jumping from the tub, letting the water out, scrubbing it, refilling, and soaking my stinging netherparts again, I fear I may be tender for a day or two.

Warning: Scrub-free does not make a suitable bath soak, not even the lemon scented brand.
Brenda 7:13 AM

Why I don't care much for ketchup.

As I read Becky's entry this morning over at Down A Country Road I was reminded again of my distaste of ketchup. It came about after I'd read a USDA report in one of hubby's farm journals about tomato processing many years ago and I've had a very difficult time using ketchup on my fries since then. I also stopped buying "B" or "C" grade canned goods (the off-brand varieties).

I garden and at one time used to can or freeze every vegetable my family ate during the winter months. I always washed and rinsed repeatedly to make sure we didn't eat anything extra but I still watched every time I used a jar of the veggies in case something had escaped my attention.

After reading the USDA report, I became much more secure in my canning abilities and in the quality of food that I was feeding my family by processing them myself.

Anyway, here is a little information about what you might expect to be in a few of the products we frequently buy pre-processed. Keep in mind that these are grade-A products and the lower grades are allowed more "foreign matter".

—According to a recent article in the Christian Science Monitor, most of the frozen, processed and fresh foods we eat contain an FDA-approved amount of insects. The insects are allowed in the foods we consume because they are not considered harmful to humans, as the pesticides used to destroy them are. Also, the FDA has found the insects to be more nutritious than most of the foods they are found in! Here are a few examples: apple butter is allowed to contain up to five insects per 100 grams or 4-½ oz, berries may have four larvae or 10 whole insects per 500 grams, canned mushrooms 20 maggots per 100 grams, chocolate 80 microscopic insect fragments per 100 grams, peanut butter 60 insect fragments per 100 grams, raisins 10 insects per 225 grams, and wheat flour about 75 insect fragments per 50 grams. Bon appetit!
Home Food Tech Source

Sunday, May 02, 2004

My Weekend

Saturday it rained and Zach's ball practice was called off. I drove into town to pick up the Chickie and brought her home with me and then spent the rest of the day feeling like Mt. Everest except I was left with tender peaks from the Chick's constant habit of grabbing the nearest peak every time she dove out of my lap. (I guess a kid's gotta have something to hang on to till their feet touch solid ground but geez!)

Hubby didn't work due to the rain. He was kicked back in his recliner as I put in the Chickie's "Dora the Explorer" dvd and remarked, "This is enough to drive a man to hard drink,,, raining outside and stuck indoors watching Dora". My reply was "Welcome to my 24 hr a day world"!

After Jerri attened a funeral and helped her mom out for a bit, she drove out and cooked supper for us.

Zach is sick with a sore throat so I spent the night wrestling with his restless self but we did sleep in until 9:30 this morning.

Jerri and the Chick came over again today and we spent some time outside playing before we came in to plan supper and play some more.

I did watch a pretty good movie last night after Zach was in bed. In the Cut with Meg Ryan was fairly impressive in that it kept my attention until the end.

Saturday, May 01, 2004


I'm glad my son found a girl he loved and married and best of all, I'm very happy that his wife, Jerri, thinks so much like me!

For the past two weeks Jerri has been helping her mother move the flea market from a leased place to one they purchased. Her mother hired some part-time workers to help with the move and for the most part they've worked out pretty well,, until Thursday.

One of the workers left to go get a bite of lunch and came back somewhat intoxicated. Jerri said he began aggravating her almost immediately with remarks about how smart she was and how beautiful she was and she pretty much ignored him until he made a pass at her. That was when she turned and looked him straight in the eye and said loudly, "Listen here, keep it up and I'll knock those 3 teeth you've got left down your throat!!"

Needless to say, that was the end of his work day.